Once upon a time about two years ago, when I had a DVR and a hovel far up in the northlands, I began to watch television the way an abandoned kitten inhales that first can of tuna offered to it by sympathetic college juniors.
I've always been a tv watcher, but I really became an addict when given the tools.
Given a DVR to share with 6 other girls and a limited memory, that addiction went to unexpected places. Degrassi? I converted the house. What Not To Wear? Sure. America's Next Top Model? Not normally part of my rotation, but I will watch six hours of a marathon because everyone else is. Horror movies? Hated 'em, but dutifully watched. One of the things I started in on was Jon and Kate Plus Eight.
This selection was introduced to the lineup by my delightful, blonde, tidy, headstrong-to-bossy roommate who happened to be in her third year of dating an athletic, math-and-science savvy, few-words guy's guy Asian guy. Not only did she like watching the many tiny adorable children and their antics, we all had a giggle over the similarities between the main characters and my friends. Imagine their adorable spawn! Witness their adorable bickering!
Meanwhile, I was still the world's most intense psych major. John Gottman had married couples come in to his lab and filmed one 15-minute conversation. Gottman was able to predict with 94% accuracy who would be divorced 10 years later. How? (also: why would anyone want to do that? Thoughts for another time.) He looked at the ratio of positive to negative comments in that one conversation. Couples that said 5 nice things for every one negative thing stayed together. Those with less...did not.
Watching Jon and Kate over beer and rice day after day, I was reminded of that study. Now, I didn't count, but I would be shocked if they made 1:1. It made me nervous for the show, not to mention the kiddies. I can't imagine what it's like to have 8 small children running around, but the nastiness...and Gottman saw it coming.
Then when my real life friends dramatically broke it off, I knew it was all over for Jon & Kate. It was like a scale model of J&K, complete with a slow public disclosure and rebound relationships. When I next saw the mini-Jon, he got trashed and threw glassware around, and was both more handsy and apologetic than one would like, and stared at me while I slept on his couch. Straightlaced by day, immature and creepy by night? The analogy was complete.
What strange creatures we are. Once, a classmate spent a year trying to convince the rest of use that no one is truly selfless. To this day I'm convinced that the empathy part of his brain just wasn't developed yet. A selfless thing doesn't have to be logical, it has to be felt. Why did I spend every weekend this summer writing stupid memos for work? Because I cared more about my employer and client than for my own health and sanity. Why did I care so much? Not a clue, but my gut wouldn't let me sleep until it was done.
Jon Gosselin lacks that empathy. Maybe he had it, and just grew so stressed that his 16 year old self took over, complete with cruddy t-shirts. But he doesn't act like a father to eight who respects--but can't be with--his wife. He embraces every selfish, inarticulate, fearful quality of children.
1 comment:
Mustard in my hair! This is a good post. But I don't believe that the classmate you refer to has ever or will ever have the capacity for empathy, because he is a robot.
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